« Technical Fowl | Main | The Music Issue! »
October 20, 2005
Metro Tips for Out-Of-Towners (and a few for locals too...)
The original bit I wrote for this was a little too…how do you say…profanity laced and non-helpful. It was like a cathartic release of deep-seated anger I hold towards tourists. Living in Florida and DC for any length of time will do that.
Anyhow, I do feel that there is value to guiding those who are not from the area in how to use our city’s subway. This time, I will attempt to be helpful.
1. Stand to the Right
This is perhaps the most important rule of riding Metro. The system’s efficiency requires the easy movement of people. If you stand on the left on an escalator, you’re blocking not just one person behind you but a hundred people behind you. The system used to have signs on the escalators requesting you do this, but they have since pulled them for unknown reasons.
2. Move into the center of the car
Standing right by the doors is only acceptable if there is no room in the interior of the car. Or if there’s just one or two of you – but anymore and you’d better fill in.
3. No Eating or Drinking
Washingtonians take a lot of pride in our subway – we have a deep-seated belief that it is the cleanest in the country. That’s why we’re ok with the transit police arresting you for eating a French Fry – we nominated a guy who tried that to Chief Justice after all.
4. Don’t Talk Loudly
The morning commute is a sacred time of peace & quiet. We’re all tired. Don’t disturb our quiet with your inane story – if it’s interesting and you can’t keep your voice down, it can wait until you’re out of the train.
5. Ask for Help – Don’t Try to Figure It Out Yourself
We Washingtonians are a helpful bunch – if you take the first step to admit your weakness in this foreign system/city we will be glad to drop what we’re doing and help you. In fact, we’ll even make ourselves late – but the point is you have to ask us. If you don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re unwilling to request the assistance of a local then you rightfully earn our ire. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know where you’re going, or that you don’t know how to use the farecard machine. But if you don’t ask us for help, but sit there and fuck with it in some lost hope of making it work without admitting you’re in unfamiliar territory, you deserve every angry stare & rude comment that you earn.
6. If It Didn’t Work The Second Time, It Won’t Work the Fourth
Trying your farecard over & over, or using the same method over and over doesn’t make any sense – if it didn’t work after the second try, it’s not going to. Ask for help – if not a fellow traveler, than a Station Manager.
7. Children/Oversized Items/Carts Belong on the Elevator
Escalators increase the efficiency of the traveling public. This is disrupted when you insist on taking Junior up the Dupont escalator and you’re blocking the whole way. If they require a stroller or a harness, use the elevator – you obviously have the time to spare and I’m already late. Same thing goes if you’re returning from one of our Safeways – take the cart on the elevator.
8. Don’t Force the Doors
The doors on the Metro are…how do you say…fragile. Do not EVER try to force them open. This will damage the sensor on the doors, and then the driver will not be able to continue and the whole car will have to empty and it’s all because you had to be a jackass.
9. This Isn’t Disney World
There may be many attractions, and a lot of interesting things to do in DC – but it’s still a working city. People here are pleased to help you if you need it, but we’re not here for you. When you’re on vacation, be respectful of our city – stay out of our way, recognize that you may have to take an extra thirty seconds to let a commuter get past you.
10. Control Your Liquor
This message is just as much for the locals as it is for the tourists. Yes it’s a great time to go get blasted in Adams Morgan. But that doesn’t give you license to turn into a drunken douche bag at 2 am on the Orange Line. Learn how to control your liquor, or take a cab. But being drunk doesn’t give you license to be a jackass, and falling onto the tracks and killing yourself will just ruin it for the rest of us – and you’ll be dead.
Posted by MikeSager at October 20, 2005 11:06 PM
Trackback Pings
To send a Trackback, please use:
http://www.carpetblogger.com/cgi-bin/mt-whattocheck.cgi/172
Comments
Post a comment