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October 30, 2005

We Were Going to Change the World

November 2nd has a totally different meaning now. That date is quickly approaching, but it has a different year following the date. Sometimes things are exactly the same as they were a year prior, other times things are completely different. There’s been a world of difference in my life since the election. Job, city, love-life – all completely different.

I feel particularly introspective about this right now because of the music I’m listening to – Autolux. I listened to their album Future Perfect nonstop through the campaign. It’s amazing the power of a song to take you back to a moment. To a feeling. To an emotion.

One year ago, I was going to change the world. I could taste it within my grasp. I really felt like I personally was going to change the world. It was the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt. I was going to not just make my world better – I was going to make everyone’s world a better place. There were thousands of us who were working on the campaign, but I was working as if I was going to be the one to make the difference. This is not meant to take away or discredit the work of all the people who stood alongside me – I know that it wasn’t me that would’ve made the difference. But it FELT that way.

I’m a little over half done with Franken’s book – but he talks extensively about the campaign in the beginning. There’s only one region of the country he mentions in the book – the I-4. Where I was. Reading that was like another punch in the gut.

It was all a year ago – the campaign, the Red Sox winning the series. It feels like yesterday. The sleepless nights, the beer, the pizza, the exit polls. And the feeling as the real numbers started coming in. The “victory party”. The Tequila. The realization we’d lost. The tequila.

The concession speech – I couldn’t stand to listen to the whole thing. I had to leave the room. The office was already completely dead. The difference was palpable. I broke down the last of the electronics, and I was the one to lock the door the last time. It was a terrible feeling.

And yet we rebuild. Starting in January I was interviewing for different campaigns. This was something I realized I wanted to do, despite the outcome of election 2004.

Where does that bring me now? Looking back I know there was nothing I could’ve done differently. I often need to remind myself that I did everything I could, but that the course of history was out of my hands. It wasn’t I who was going to change the world. WE were going to change the world.

A lot of the bitterness from those days that followed has gone away. It’s been replaced by jadedness and schadenfreude. But there’s still some optimism that perhaps we can make a difference, perhaps we can make things better. It’s telling that I’ve looked at the indictment of White House officials with a sense of glee. These fuckers are finally getting their comeuppance. But I haven’t fully digested that the Vice President’s Chief of Staff and the House Majority Whip have been indicted separately.

I got an e-mail about a former Kerry staffer meetup on Wednesday night to mark the anniversary. It’ll mostly be DC people – but a few of the I-4 staff will be there. Between the Kaine Campaign and my new job, Kerry had felt like a lifetime ago. But my iPod’s steady diet of Autolux has brought me back to my tiny office on Mills Avenue.

I suspect there will be Tequila there.

Posted by MikeSager at October 30, 2005 11:21 PM

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Comments

Posted by: Miss Rose at November 3, 2005 1:05 PM

Posted by: Lois, your "Kerry Bud" at November 9, 2005 3:22 PM

Posted by: Lois, your "Kerry Bud" at November 9, 2005 3:23 PM

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